Saturday, May 07, 2005

Day 2 and notes

I slept fine last night. I woke up once in the middle of the night with an uncomfortable erection, but it subsided and I went back to sleep, so I didn't have to retape anything. It really is amazingly more comfortable to have the glans covered. A few short hours and I have no doubt that it's the way the penis is supposed to be.

Here's where I'm starting from so that I can compare how much progress I've made later on:

I'm lucky; I was cut rather loosely. My remaining skin is loose enough that when my penis is completely flaccid (a state that until last night was pretty rare!) I can completely cover my glans - barely. However, if it gets even slightly aroused, this is no longer possible.

I have looked at some photographs and determined that I do not have a fully intact frenulum (not really a big surprise). I don't have any visible structure that resembles one, either. However, it is one of the most sensitive areas of my penis, so I think that some subcutaneous remnant of it may remain.

When measuring along the top, from the base of my pelvis to the tip of the glans, my penis measures 4" long when flaccid (when pulled out to full length without stretching). I can comfortably pull forward enough skin to cover roughly one fourth of the glans without any apparent stretching.

Measuring from the same position, my penis is approximately 6" long when erect, although this is far from the hardest erection I've ever had (where's my fiance when I need her ;) ). Measuring just below the mutilation scar, it is 5" in circumference. My skin is loose enough to move over the shaft while erect, but it is too tight to pull any of it over the glans. I can, however, completely cover the sulcus and almost pull it around the edge of the corona (see a detailed anatomical explanation here, but be warned about the explicit pictures).

I measure approximately 11cm of shaft skin.

As of this morning, I am experiencing minor skin irritation from the tape. I'm going to see if this goes away over the next few days. If it doesn't, I'm going to switch to a new brand.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Day 1

I started today. I haven't taken any measurements yet. I haven't had time, but I didn't want to wait until I had time to document it to start the process. It's going to take months, maybe even years to reconstruct a foreskin around my penis, and I'm not going to put it off.

I do intend to document its current state soon so that I can keep track of my progress. I hope to post that over the weekend.

I purchased an e-book copy of The Joy of Uncircumcising this afternoon, since it's out of print now. I think some of it's a little out of date, but it's still a good place to start. It was well worth the $10 for the detailed descriptions of the process of uncircumcising.

Still, I think this is going to require more than a little trial and error. I've decided to go with the "cross tape" method to begin with. As far as male genital mutilation goes, I'm fairly lucky. I wasn't cut too closely. In fact, I can already stretch my skin to cover about 80-90% of the glans. I think I may also have a somewhat intact frenulum, although I'm not sure of this. It's kind of hard to figure out these things from looking at drawings.

I left work early to try it out, I was so excited. I've had my glans covered for about 7 hours now.

I can already tell you one thing for sure: what I've read is absolutely correct about the comfort. Although the tape itself is a little uncomfortable, the glans is far more comfortable when it's covered. In just a few short hours, I can stand up and tell you clearly that this is the way it was meant to be.

One problem I've suffered for over a decade almost completely disappeared in the space of a few minutes. You see, I've never had pain from my exposed glans like many men report. But it has been very sensitive, and that's had an altogether different result: a near continuous state of arousal. Imagine what it would feel like to have your genitals stimulated almost constantly, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 days a year.

I always thought I had bad self control because I couldn't even think about sex without an erection. The only erection I've had all evening has been in the presence of my fiancee (whom, by the way, has been absolutely 100% supportive and wonderful, and I can't thank enough). And sorry, but she's hot! If I'm not getting erections around her, something's very wrong. ;)

It also does already feel somewhat more moist, as I've been told it should. I just can't believe I'm feeling benefits already. I expected to wait weeks or even months without noticing anything. This is so encouraging.

I intend to try a schedule of 12 hours a day of stretching, five days a week. I've read that this is the best schedule since it gives your body time to heal in between, and it's consistent with what I know of stretching muscles, which I would think is very similar. However, to get started I'm going to wear it pretty much all weekend. I'll start my 12-5 program on Monday, but I don't want to stretch for just a few hours today and then stop. I think I'll lose everything I gained from it.

Tomorrow I plan to post detailed mesurements of exactly the state I'm in right now so that I can compare against it later.

Remaking Myself

I am a man. When I was an infant, part of that was taken away from me when my penis was mutilated. Here in the United States, we refer to this barbaric practice as "circumcision". That's the last time you will ever see me use that word on this blog. From now on, I will name the procedure for what it is: male genital mutilation.

I have been ignorant or semi-ignorant of this fact for more than 26 years. Most American men still are. Fortunately, a man named Dean Esmay opened my eyes and introduced me into a whole new world.

Yet I refuse to be a victim. Victimhood is in the mind, not the event. I've always believed this, and I believe it now. This choice was made without my consent, or even my input. A piece of my body was forcibly taken from me. My dignity was taken, my very right to self-determination.

But I'm taking it back. This afternoon, I began the process of reconstructing myself. It will be a long, hard road.

This blog is part of my recovery. It serves three purposes.

1) To show the world this barbaric practice for what it is. If I can save even one more child from being mutilated, then I have done a tremendous service to mankind. However, I would ultimately like to see this abominable practice outlawed in the United States - just as female genital mutilation is.

2) To spread the word of recovery options to men who have been mutilated like me. To let them know what they've lost - and more importantly, what they can get back.

3) To document my own reconstruction for my own therapy.

This site is not pornographic. However, it is of a very mature nature. I will be describing my penis in some detail as I document its process of recovery. I will also be posting information about male genital mutilation, a gruesome procedure. I promise that none of what I post will be gratuitous. Yet it is not appropriate for the faint of heart.

Please help me spread the word. Let people know how horrible this practice is. Decide now not to mutilate your sons. Tell your friends not to mutilate theirs.

We are the barbarians - but we don't have to be. We can learn, we can change - and we can start today.